What makes the marriage click?

Before I sit down and does my usual, boring and routine office work from my home, I wanted to write about a topic that has suddenly hit my mind, thanks to stupid daily sops that my parents have been watching. The topic is “What makes the marriage click?”

I have rarely met a happy couple now a days, but one whom I remember doesn’t belong to our pizza generation. It has been my grandfather’s cousin brother. He came to our house last month, with his erstwhile girl friend and current wife. He is 76 and she is 72.

When they sat for lunch, I never knew that this naughty 76 year old man had once showed the courage to elope with my cousin grandmother, got married in Mumbai, spent together for few months there and then went to Pune to spend an year and half. Finally they returned back to Nabha – our village in Punjab with my father’s cousin sister (their daughter).

Anyways, I saw my grandfather not having lunch. I asked him and he said that he is waiting for my grandmother. That time I realized that she is talking on phone. I told him to start lunch and he said that he can wait. Later when they left, my father told me that it has been their ritual to have food together; else one of them is not in the home. Now, is that developed in heaven? No, it is built religiously through sincere efforts – trust and caring…

In the relationship, I have understood one thing clearly – the value of trust and caring. It further strengthens my belief that any relationship can only work if it is felt from both sides. Sadly though, now a days relationships are governed by practical needs – the needs of a beautiful wife, big cars, comfortable bank balance, etc.

Similarly, my cousin sister who has been married to a Bengali has also set a tradition that is an example of us. She had to go through tumulus first marriage, divorce before she found her love in Mumbai. My sister’s husband is a Bengali, her mother-in-law is Marathi, her father-in-law is a Bengali, and her sister-in-law is married to a South Indian. Both my sister and her husband live like a friend, do the house hold chores together, have drinks together, but yet they respect each other individuality. He sometimes spends time with his friends, she goes for movies with her friends at times and the relationship is well-balanced and really enjoyable.

Another relationship is of my elder sister, who finds her partner through arrange marriage. They both are again more of a friend than spouse. My sister’s husband has never restricted my sister’s independence after the marriage. She is now running her own business, and my sister’s husband is doing his job. They both share each other workload – he helps her in her business and she makes sure that she is free and spends time with him when he is at home. Now what we derive out of this relationship is trust, friendship and care. He has not among those guys who create tantrum when his wife talks to a stranger guy. Rather he trusts his wife completely which makes the pair beautiful and adorable. This also reflects in my niece who is intelligent and lovely, because the family overall has built its foundation strong.

When I see and try to understand these marriages, I find that dominance, suspicious, fear, individual expectations and jealousy live far away from their relationships. It is not that their relationship never had the challenges. They had it, but they just hold each other hands and move through it. Sadly though, I feel that current married couples don’t have the audacity to pass the tough phase and these marriages often collapse during testing times.

Luckily though relationship like my grandfather had, give me the hope that his grandson may had the one beautiful relationship in this life…