Life tests everyone as it tests my insecurity

Someone has very well said that "Change is the essence of human nature.". For last few months, I started thinking about "Insecurity" and how it has tied our lives and made our life insecure. I realize that I too living in various circles of insecurity - insecurity about my job, my career, my friends, my car, laptop and 'n' number of things.

Till few months back, my life was almost perfect. I was working tirelessly and a sense of strength was present in my working life. My closest buddy was also my team-mate in office that made my professional life much more easier. I had just found another good friend in the form of my car pool and she has been a real strength whenever I want to talk about something where I need the perspective of someone from the other gender.

When life was at its full swing, somekind of insecurity started creeping into my life. To overcome it, I started teaching my inner self that insecurity is unjustified and started talking about the same in front of my friends in a hope that I escape from this monster.

But Time is more powerful. The situation around me changed in the last few weeks. My closest buddy has just got a good job and moving out. He will no longer work with me after a week or so and now insecurity of working without him is making me weak. Some differences have emerged with my other friend on some personal issues and she and I are now behaving more formally than we should, though I feel that it is nothing but a temporary phase in our friendship. But still some sense of insecurity too has creeped in regarding her on whether my this formal behavior can actually ruin our othewise good friendship or we will back to our good self in the coming days. My job has not been as great which have made things much more difficult for me.

This entire turn of events has taught me a very good lesson which I would like to share. Life always test your beliefs and your attitude towards life. For ex., if a drunkard man decides to leave the liquor, the time will put him in front of pub or his circle of friends who drink with him several times to test whether his change in belief is really strong or not. Similarly, I think that time has put me into "Testing phase" and checking whether my change in belief of "leaving insecurity aside" has any substance in it or not.

The time is taking away everything around me that I rely upon to see whether I re-instill insecurity within me or not. Albeit, I hope that things will again turn on my side and I will be together once again with my friends or lead a great professional life. But before that, I need to be strong and patienty let the time play its role of a teacher perfectly.

We all might have played a role of a teacher or a mentor sometime, be it as small as teaching how to play cards or a game to our friends / family. If we closely introspect, how we do it???? We first teach the person how to play and then ask to play against us only just to see how much that person has learnt. I believe in a similar manner, the time instills a belief in us and then tests us whether we have learnt it properly or not. I am praying to god that indeed my belief in "leaving insecurity aside" will be tested successfully and I emerge out as much better person for myself and for my friends and family.

Jai Mata Di... Good Night!!!!

The new revolution called Facebook, Orkut and Twitter

Twitter bug has just hit me today in this change of season from Winters to Summer in the Norther Hemisphere... Well, the early bird impression is that it's really good. From one place, I was able to connect to people whom I admire like Barkha Dutt, Amitabh Bachhan, Imran Khan, Preity Zinta, Shruuti Seth and many more....

Somehow these social networking sites concept has big role to play in the future as people will scream more whenever they hear something bad / good happening. Whenever India win or lose the match against Pakistan, whenever any murder occur in the broad daylight or darkk night, whenever govt announce some wrong policies (which it often does)...

The revolution has slowly started online. The online community is quite vocal now a days on various issues that affect us. Slowly but gradually, the same crowd will gather on India Gate or Gateway of India with its protests and screams and then we will see the awakening.. The real face of democracy where everyone will be heard... In fact government will be forced to hear each and every complaint...

The day will come when people will meet @ borders and shatter the boundaries that have separated them physically and emotionally. The day will come when we will be able to go to Iran / Iraq / Europe on train without visas...

The traits for these events have been seen in the popularity of these social sites where people have connected to each other and they listen to each other... On Twitter, I mananged to read what Barkha Dutt wants to say about court orders on live-in relationship giving it equal status to marriage... This has all been possible for me through Twitter... I also managed to know about a new movie coming up with Imran Khan and Deepika Padukone as star leads...

Anyways, it's time to wrap up this lengthy tweets and say "Sayonaara". Though its time to sleep, but somewhere inside my soul is awakening. My soul can see some morning rays hitting it.

Good Morning everyone!!!

What makes the marriage click?

Before I sit down and does my usual, boring and routine office work from my home, I wanted to write about a topic that has suddenly hit my mind, thanks to stupid daily sops that my parents have been watching. The topic is “What makes the marriage click?”

I have rarely met a happy couple now a days, but one whom I remember doesn’t belong to our pizza generation. It has been my grandfather’s cousin brother. He came to our house last month, with his erstwhile girl friend and current wife. He is 76 and she is 72.

When they sat for lunch, I never knew that this naughty 76 year old man had once showed the courage to elope with my cousin grandmother, got married in Mumbai, spent together for few months there and then went to Pune to spend an year and half. Finally they returned back to Nabha – our village in Punjab with my father’s cousin sister (their daughter).

Anyways, I saw my grandfather not having lunch. I asked him and he said that he is waiting for my grandmother. That time I realized that she is talking on phone. I told him to start lunch and he said that he can wait. Later when they left, my father told me that it has been their ritual to have food together; else one of them is not in the home. Now, is that developed in heaven? No, it is built religiously through sincere efforts – trust and caring…

In the relationship, I have understood one thing clearly – the value of trust and caring. It further strengthens my belief that any relationship can only work if it is felt from both sides. Sadly though, now a days relationships are governed by practical needs – the needs of a beautiful wife, big cars, comfortable bank balance, etc.

Similarly, my cousin sister who has been married to a Bengali has also set a tradition that is an example of us. She had to go through tumulus first marriage, divorce before she found her love in Mumbai. My sister’s husband is a Bengali, her mother-in-law is Marathi, her father-in-law is a Bengali, and her sister-in-law is married to a South Indian. Both my sister and her husband live like a friend, do the house hold chores together, have drinks together, but yet they respect each other individuality. He sometimes spends time with his friends, she goes for movies with her friends at times and the relationship is well-balanced and really enjoyable.

Another relationship is of my elder sister, who finds her partner through arrange marriage. They both are again more of a friend than spouse. My sister’s husband has never restricted my sister’s independence after the marriage. She is now running her own business, and my sister’s husband is doing his job. They both share each other workload – he helps her in her business and she makes sure that she is free and spends time with him when he is at home. Now what we derive out of this relationship is trust, friendship and care. He has not among those guys who create tantrum when his wife talks to a stranger guy. Rather he trusts his wife completely which makes the pair beautiful and adorable. This also reflects in my niece who is intelligent and lovely, because the family overall has built its foundation strong.

When I see and try to understand these marriages, I find that dominance, suspicious, fear, individual expectations and jealousy live far away from their relationships. It is not that their relationship never had the challenges. They had it, but they just hold each other hands and move through it. Sadly though, I feel that current married couples don’t have the audacity to pass the tough phase and these marriages often collapse during testing times.

Luckily though relationship like my grandfather had, give me the hope that his grandson may had the one beautiful relationship in this life…

Losers children and parents

Today while coming back from office, I remember a story that I read few days back- the story was about two friends who belonged to different genders. Both semed quite devoted to their new families (post marriage) but losing the thread that attach them with their parents.

The story is worth learning so I thought why not share it with you.

The male friend, lives with his parents, and is planning to settle abroad for better standard of living. He doesn't have any brother and hence, his parents are dependent upon him at the old age. He later moves abroad, and take some years before he settles there. Meanwhile, his parents have learnt to live alone in India and slowly but gradually, learn to live without him. At the same time, he too learn to live without them and then, his contact with his parents are on phone / occassional visits to the country.

Hence, his individual purusuits end up taking him away from the parents. The day then comes, when they both leave this world and then, loneliness starts creeping in and remind him of their love and affection. He also feel guilt that his improved standard of living is not able to fill the emptiness that his parents have left. Then, this loneliness pushes him to talk about the love and affection of their parents on the drinks table. He also prayed to god that his children won't do the same with him. Thus, the end is full of emptiness despite good bank balance.

Similarly, his female friend who is also married and seem happy with his husband is moving on somewhat similar lines. She is married and happily settled, but her husband only loves her and not her parents. His high male ego prompts him spending time alone than spending with her parents. Now whether it is dedicated love for his wife, or insecurity towards sharing her with anyone else is only known to him.

She has no brother and hence, somewhat responsibility about her parents lie on her. She tries little small things that she does to please her husband but forgets the bigger sacrifices that her parents have done for her while she grown up. Her parents too learn to live alone without her. Soon, she has two children and her visits to her parents' house confined to festivals, albeit without her husband. Her parents only live those days when their daughter visit the house. And one day, they too leave this world and she is only left with a husband, whose love is not as intense as it was used to be. Her children went to abroad and she too ends up being lonely.

In both the cases, who ends up being loser. In my views, both they and their parents end up on the losing side. Both end up having a emptiness in their kitty and guilt that they were not able to serve their parents like the way they could have done that. On the other side, the parents end up as any other old-aged couple, who wait for their "grown-up-and-responsible-kids" who have their individual pursuits to make their individual life better.

The story is a sad one, but indicates the harsh realities of today. It indicates that they we are unable to set right priorities for ourselves in the life. We tend to forget our responsibilities that we have for our parents and move towards fulfilling our ambitions that seem so important to us. We find tricks and ways to please our friends / spouse but don't even plan a small trick to please our parents who have nobody but us to please us.

Think about it, even if you seem so busy because there is someone in this world still who loves you from your heart!!!